I have to admit that I have been struggling since the accident. For the first month I had a constant, pounding headache, I could barely turn my head and the pain in my neck and back was excruciating. It was all I could do to get to work, physical therapy and take care of my animals. I didn't feel like blogging or reading blogs. I could not even think about turning on my computer when I got home. I just wanted to lie flat and close my eyes. My attitude was bad and I tended to get angry very easily.
I was spiraling into an abyss of negative coping behaviors. I knew this, yet I could not seem to stop the descent. I was reacting with anger and lashing out at those I was closest too. I even lashed out at my physician. I blamed myself for the accident; I should have seen the car coming and been able to avoid the whole incident. I felt myself slowly slipping back into the deep depression I experienced after TJ passed. I even had feelings of dejection and wondering if I should really just give up on moving forward. Maybe it would be easier to just stop trying to get my life back on track altogether.
The thing that happened that finally got me turned around and headed back in the right direction, albeit slower than I would like, was when I lashed out at my Physician. I spewed utter drivel upon him, I knew I was being unreasonable, yet I continued. When I finally stopped he suggested I see a psychiatrist for my anger management issues. What?! I hurt, I have a headache, I have a perfectly good reason to be angry. My husband died, I had to move, my Mother died, I wrecked my truck....give me a freakin' break! My anger is justified and "NO" I will not be seeing a psychiatrist for anger management issues.
While I did not see a psychiatrist I did do some serious introspection the next few days. I realized that this high frustration level was not going to solve a darn thing and if anything it was making things worse. I really needed to focus on what I could do to speed up the healing process. I do have a choice in this. I can lie down and focus on self-victimization or I can get up and view this as another obstacle to overcome. Life is a journey and it is the obstacles that stop me from reaching my goals, but if I keep overcoming these obstacles I will eventually reach each and every one of my goals.
When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl